Hey Rick. I was wondering if you could help me out
with a bit of a rake situation.
A “rake situation”?
Long story short, I asked Gene if he borrowed my rake
and he said “no” like Like that, like, too fast.
Like faster than someone should know they don’t have my rake.
I think he has my rake and I...
I’m not going to murder Gene.
Jerry, thank you for bringing me into The Rake Situation.
I’ve done all I can, I’m out.
No surprise there. All that brain, and you just waste it.
Hold up.
I waste my brain.
Rick, obviously you were born smarter than me,
- but if I had your brain... - If you had my...
I am so sick of this "born smart" shit.
Are you gonna kill me?
I was born crying and pissing myself just like you.
Then I become the smartest man in the universe and do I get credit?
No, I get to “check my brain privilege.”
So we’re swapping bodies?
No. That would be Freaky Friday
which is the ceiling of your grasp of consciousness.
The brain is part of the body, Jerry, it’s hardware.
I’m gonna put my mind in your brain. And your mind in my brain.
Then we’ll see the real definition of “waste”, Jerry.
Or, you know, admit genius isn't random and your failures are your own.
- Oh, not doing that. - Thought as much.
... oh furck, oh grod...
Wait, no!
Okay, hold on, hold on.
Alright, Jerry, you can do this.
Medical Emergency Detected.
There goes my Thursday.
I’m telling you man, you’re making a big mistake here.
Ha. Bigger mistake than being a criminal? I'm mistake-proof.
Sorry to bother, boss, I caught this punk selling crystals on our turf...
You big precious moron, do you know who the fuck, this is Morty!
The kid who hangs with Rick Sanchez!
- Tried to warn you, man. - Rick Sanchez?
Underworld legend?
Chaotic neutral sci-fi guy? Huh?
Christ, he's gonna turn me into a sandwich.
- What is this guy, fucking new? - Think he was a Dylan rec, boss.
Well, check those fucking references next time.
Whatever this kid wants to do in our territory is his business. Fuck.
Fuck! Call my wife, we gotta prep go-bags three through six.
Hey pal. You good? You whole?
You guys have milkshakes?
We will learn what they are and get you one.
What a turn. Lucky I’m such a genius your garage can thwart death.
I’m the genius and it’s your garage, idiot.
Hey, what the fuck did you do to my body?
Your body, Jerry, your mind did that to my body using my brain.
Jerry, my mind was in this brain, in your body. Pretty easy to follow.
- It shuffled us. - Shuffled you maybe.
- I'm tracking everything. - Garage? Fix this.
-Situation was fixed. - You call this fixed?
- This guy thinks he’s me. - This guy thinks he’s me.
Let’s see you fix it then, asshole.
I fucking will. I got my lab right here, gimme three hours.
Sure yeah, like I’d ever trust you to open my skull.
I’ll fix it, I just need to scan for...
Like I’d trust Your fritzing R2D2 ass, you’ll just kill me on purpose.
So that’s where my paranoia went.
Rick speaking, who is this?
Rick! It's Chuxly. From Crimetown. We’ve met five or ten times, listen,
small misunderstanding, one of my guys saw your buddy Morty
running an errand and he brought him in which I told him not to do.
but I’ve got Morty and he is fine.
Wait, what? Aren’t you describing kidnapping?
- Morty’s kidnapped? - No no no!
Give me that, Jerry. Hello? Hello? This is Rick Sanchez,
I’m using my son-in-law’s vocal cords because I’m amazing,
if you touch my grandson I’m gonna... get off me!
...hello?
Jerry stop! You’re fucking this up!
You’re only calling me Jerry because you’re so stupid you think it’s hurtful,
which it is!
Tell me where you are.
No! You tell then where they are, like Liam Neeson.
Do not pretend to explain Liam Neeson to me, Sir.
- Hey! Jerry! - Don’t touch me there!
- We know where you are. - We know where you are.
- My milkshake is empty! - Okay!
That was so embarrassing,
do you have any clue what a pain it is to cultivate a mystique?
Yeah, I do, it’s my mystique and you’re just cultivating Jerry's shame.
- What is with my hair? - Don’t!
- Leave it! - Why do you care about hair, nerd?
Be quiet for a second, I need to think through all these chunks of moron.
Okay. You stay here, touch nothing, I’ll get Morty.
Ha! I’m not letting you get Morty killed and our brains blown out twice.
Car, electrocute Jerry if he gets in the front seat.
Car, engage castration protocol right now.
Figure out how to drive me together or I will have to kill you both.
What are we, a 1930s comedy act, stop swerving!
- You’re swerving! - Alright, when we get there,
let me do the talking.
Yeah, I know, because you look the most like us, I’m not stupid.
- I beg to differ. - Screw you, half Jerry!
- You’re a half Jerry! - You’re a half Jerry!
Looks like he’s inbound, boss.
Okay, he is in a bad mood
so we are kissing ass until our lips are asscolored.
Straighten that pillow! He might hate crooked pillows! I don’t know!
Nice parking job, assdick, you scratched my car.
Rick! And... and uh, Rick’s friend!
This is my... assassin.
Deadliest man in the galaxy and he’s gay.
- Why am I gay? - Woah! Hey!
Whoa. Why aren’t you?
Sorry about that. Sorry. Sorry.
Well, I got Morty right here, happy as a milkshake.
And since we interrupted your day, Morty’s got ten thousand croutons,
that’s slang for crystals, Morty, show him.
- We know what croutons are. - Why is dad here?
Your dad’s a gay assassin?
So cool and ordinary, sorry, ssorry.
I appreciate you trying to make good but you cost me ten times that much.
It doesn’t matter, Rick. The guy’s already kissing your ass.
It’s the ass kissers you have to keep in line.
When they sense weakness, they move on you.
What are we, Walter White?
Who cares if a mid-tier crime dork “moves” on us...
Thank you for the crystals. Morty, get in the car.
Actually, Morty, why don’t you leave those crystals here...
since it’s such an insulting amount.
There it is.
Now he’s thinking, maybe I can kill god.
Yeah because god doesn’t haggle for ten thousand fucking croutons,
look, here’s the deal, I’m Rick,
That’s my son-in-law, and we’re all a little gay.
- Yeah. - It’s a spectrum.
Morty, it’s me Rick, get in the car.
Don’t get in the car, Morty. And put the briefcase down.
Morty, get in the car twice,
once for each five additional briefcases this asshole owes us!
Stop doing this terrible impression of me!
Look, at this point we’re bad gangsters if we don’t roll the dice.
Everybody start killing them!
What have you two assholes done?
It’s okay, it’s a nice restaurantwoah!
Shit! Crime restaurant!
Oh my god! Am I really about to die because you botched a Freaky Friday?
- Yes. - Whoever you are,
you’re in Rick’s body, use your implants.
I’m trying, half my brain is the guy that
still needs your mom to use the electric wine opener.
Hang on, I think I got it.
Right, from my conehead phase.
- Awesome fucking movie. - Incredible cast.
Goddamn it! I’m shooting my way back to the car.
Ugh, way to go! Now my son and grandson hates us!
He’s my son and grandson too!
We do share an agenda in that sense.
Let’s hope you share my aim.
Fall is here, hear the yell Back to school ring the bell
Brand new shoes, walking blues Climb the fence, books and pens
I can tell that we are gonna be friends
Hey, get up here!
Said the throat to the hand.
You might feel a pinch and maybe a rocket.
You’ll have to aim. Hop on.
I can tell that we are gonna be friends
Ahaha! You coneheaded son of a bitch! Can’t believe that worked!
I wish they did that in the movie!
Jesus fucking christ.
Huh, should’ve done something with my hands.
Morty, gotta push or pull, your call.
What the hell? What happened?
They made us stop at every drivethru chain in the galaxy,
so they could make one giant burger with a patty from each place.
- I guess I meant before that. - Brains got a little mixed up...
But we’re gonna swap back, don’t worry.
Just didn’t wanna build a neural interface on an empty stomach.
- Right? - Wait, you guys did a brain swap?
Don’t bother chiding until they’re unshuffled, neither one is Dad or Rick.
I guess I’m thrilled you guys are getting along?
Let’s keep that going when those brains get back in their bodies.
Whoa, going for the electropneumatic diodes. Wild man.
Only gonna build this once, gotta do it with style.
I think we can up the wattage. Hey, another beer?
It’s about the journey, brother.
Ahh, Rick used to hate that kind of hang-loose McConaughey platitude,
but he was also just gonna spend today grumpy and isolated.
And Jerry’d still be hung up about the rake.
The rake! Oh my god, should we do it? We’ve gotta do it!
Oh yeah!
Alright, that should do it.
- Son of a bitch. - Classic Gene...
Huh. Crazy, this is the kind of thing that used to really piss me off.
Now it’s just kinda funny...
You wanna replace it with a holographic rake?
Oh that’d be fun, he’d get confused trying to pick it up.
I guess I don’t even wanna do that.
I just want to live, I want Gene to live,
I want all of us to make mistakes and change all the time.
Amen to that, brother.
Kinda thought two geniuses would build faster than one...
When do I start being concerned about this?
Just having a little fun with my new friend, sweetie.
Who is talking to me right now? Mostly my dad or mostly my husband?
Been on that website.
Look, I’ve been patient, but I can’t tell how to get mad at who.
No one enters my room or touches me until this is wrapped up.
- What do you take me for? - Ugh, Beth, gross, ugh!
I want you to know, when this is over,
the guy in this body is gonna yell at Jerry and call him useless.
Really lay into him. But he won’t always mean it.
Well, cards on the table,
the guy in this body might call Rick an angry old asshole.
But he’s the closest thing Jerry has to a friend.
This was fun. Rick would’ve never been able to admit that.
It’s a shame those guys had to become us to be happy.
Kids! Breakfast and school,
if we don’t at least pretend they matter everything falls apart.
Jerry? Dad?
They left a note.
Should we read it in Rick’s voice or Dad’s?
“Dear family, we thought about leaving a note.
But then one of us was like why are we leaving a note,
that’s such a Jerry thing to do.
But if we didn’t leave a note, that’s such a Rick thing to do.
And then we realized, we just gotta be us.
So it’s a note but it’s not really well thought out.“
That’s it? They got out a pen and a paper for this?
Hey, did you guys get a note too?
Mine’s really long.
Beautiful day to be carrying glass?
I can’t believe a dying kid would wish for a window.
Dammit!
Hey! Stop them! They stole our crystals!
- We stole those first! - Possession is 9/10th’s of my ass!
- Look at this pancake butt. - Stop, you’re gonna make me fart.
- Hey! That’s for sipping. - So are my balls!
Here’s a tip, lady.
Life tastes better when you’re chugging.
You were in a tree? Really gambled on this escape route.
Says the guy with a goon on his back.
- Forget it, Burger! - It’s our calling card!
- Really called that one. - One of us always gets shot.
God dammit!
Hey. You’ll never guess who just ripped us off.
Oh wow, good guess.
Oh man!
Twenty-four crystal heists in twenty-four hours!
We’re two farts in the wind, baby. Do your Howard Dean scream.
Five o’clock somewhere. Five o’clock somewhere.
God damn, look at us.
No rules, no responsibilities. Just two best friends on the run.
The voice mailbox for, wait, wait, wait, wait did it beep?
- My name is Jer... - Is full. Goodbye.
Looks like we just missed them.
So they just stick burgers in dead guy’s mouths now?
- In dead criminal’s mouths, Summer. - You’re defending them?
Well, they were my husband and father.
Thanks for the tip, Blarb.
It’s weird, most of my underworld contacts are ghosting me.
My pleasure, Morty, I should be thanking you for making me rich.
Wait. I didn’t pay you for this.
Yeah, these guys did.
What’s the problem, kid, conehead got your tongue?
Chuxly? You’re alive?
...Did this guy always have a hole or is that a big reveal?
Everything should be in a swamp!
Working with ya’ll was a plum-fool idea!
Burger & Fries, who the hell is this??
Just an average mid-tier crime dork.
Chuxly? You’re alive?
Shut up! I got something you might wanna hear.
Caught your family out looking for you.
What do you want? We’ve smoked most of what we stole.
I just want you, both of you. Or I smoke your family.
What am I saying, sure, bring money too. One hour.
Shit. Guess we should shoot the fuel tank?
You guys coulda done that the whole time?
So. What now?
Hey, remember how we met?
That nonrescue of Morty?
We were thinking we were different and accusing each other of being bad.
But Morty reminded us we both love our family.
And it brought us together.
- Let’s do this. - Well, if we’re gonna do it right,
we might as well use our best idea.
You guys comfortable? No? Good.
Who are you? What is this place?
And does my son sell drugs for my father,
maybe criminals will actually be honest with me.
Crystals can be anything, Mom.
- But these crystals are drugs. - Morty!
Here we go, boys! This is it!
- Jerry? - Rick!
- Grandpa? - Jesus christ.
Morty. Summer. Daughterwife. You are safe now.
Holy shit. All the positive aspects of each, perfectly melded together?
Yes. I am... Jerricky.
Alright boys, nothing could have prepared us for this!
At this point we gotta shoot and hope!
Also everything’s flammable!
Hey, guys! Little help!
Gotta split?
I’m sorry, Chux! I started this! It’s all my fault!
Solid apology new guy. If we live through this,
you're off the hook.
- Nice shot, Morty. - Everything’s flammable.
What a family.
- You got shot? - No, no, no...
The stitches, they never really set.
What can I say, I’m a workaholic.
I knew this day would come.
Chuxly. This is a good death. You sought mastery over your world.
No, no. I stepped out of line.
I thought I could kill god.
Being a boss in a crime world.
So much stress. Honestly Jerricky,
it’s a relief to die in your four arms.
Final meal?
How, how old is this?
Can we turn on the radio?
At this point, I’d even take a podcast.
Do you not hear the symphony of atoms dying in space?
...no?
Good. You are here.
I have modified the house defenses.
They will ensure the mob never bothers you again.
Thanks.
This is killing me.
I thought when you came to rescue us you learned to love us more than ever.
You learned the opposite?
Burger and Fries learned to love each other,
then sacrificed themselves out of love for you.
I am Jerricky, and I only need to love myself.
You can’t actually be leaving, right? Like the crows thing?
They’re my dad and grandpa, you can’t just take them!
Your dad and grandpa are dead, Morty.
They died arguing with each other about their brains.
Scuse me, are you Jerry?
Sorry, you have one of his heads.
I am Jerricky.
May as well have your rake back then.
That’s right, I took it.
I ask myself why lie about it, don’t you think he knows?
Couldn’t I get my own?
Of course I could have! But god dammit,
this rake, it kept my neighbors in my life.
You guys don’t give a goddamn shit about Gene.
But I see that won’t help me any longer. Here.
You are no longer obligated in such a way.
I’m gonna give it back anyway. Just seems like the right thing to do.
Okay?
- Shit. - Shit.
You think a rake will change my mind?
Well, it’s fucking lame, okay?
Both of you walking out on Mom?
I thought you had two sets of balls, not zero.
Our balls are adequate...
Morty! We’re still in here!
There’s a memory of myself as a 30 years old,
he kept our egos intact!
He saved us! It was a whole action movie, Morty!
Memory Rick, he’s still trapped in here.
Quick, tackle this fucking thing!
- Garage! Garage! - Help us!, Hold him.
Nicely prepared eggs.
I still can’t taste anything. Awesome adventure, Rick.
Jerry, being shuffled with me was probably
the best part of your sad existence. A brush with greatness.
Please, like you didn’t get an upgrade.
What was it like having integrity for once?
Hey Beth, how much integrity is left on the mortgage?
I think it’s clear you both love each other more than you’re willing to admit.
Dumb. Fucking dumb. Go pick up crystals for me.
You don’t have to do that, Morty!
No it’s- it’s okay, I like doing it.
Welp, those horses won’t sew themselves up.
- But, good to have you both back. - Whatever.
Great, so I still wind up stuck with Jerry’s dumb ass?
Fuck you. Eat your eggs that my wife bought.
How about you eat my shit, you Hawaiian-shirt-loving twat.
Uncalled for! Rude and uncalled for!
You sit there with your potty mouth and do everything but help!
Jerry, it’s not my fault that nobody respects you in here,
- your own kids think... - ...You could help but you don’t!
Brand new shoes, walking blues Climb the fence, books and pens
I can tell that we are gonna be friends
Walk with me, Suzy Lee Through the park and by the tree
We will rest upon the ground And look at all the bugs we found
Safely walk to school without a sound
I can tell that we are gonna be friends
And of course, there’s a space shuttles.
Can you believe that giant thing actually flies?
Well, of course it can. It’s a space shuttles.
And over here is some stuff about Thomas Jefferson. Come on students!
Day 8 of attempting to escape Jerry's mind.
It has become increasingly clear my daughter married a man
who remembers all technology as powered by springs and gears.
How did I get here?
I suspect a chunk of Rick’s brain got merged with a chunk of Jerry’s.
But did Rick maroon me by accident?
Or on purpose?
Escape remains possible, but increasingly unlikely.
Memory Rick! Building more sculptures out of springs and gears?
Fuck off, Memory Gene.